


Strange Love

by feentanz



Series: One Shots [32]
Category: Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Secret Relationship, Semi-Public Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:53:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22425868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feentanz/pseuds/feentanz
Summary: “None of mine are as juicy,” Genya smirked. “Every girl loves Nikolai, you know that.” Of course, she knew. And why wouldn’t they? He was handsome, charming, and rich beyond measure. At least until his parents found out who he was dating, and that he was not indeed courting the girl they had chosen for him. Zoya sipped on her coffee. “Don’t tell him that. His ego is big enough.” Genya huffed. “So is his trust fund. Probably the reason he’s so popular.” She raised a brow at Zoya. “You won’t be able to keep this romance a secret forever.”
Relationships: Nikolai Lantsov/Zoya Nazyalensky
Series: One Shots [32]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/594364
Comments: 4
Kudos: 46





	Strange Love

**Author's Note:**

> Based on "Strange Love" by Halsey!

> _Everybody wants to know_
> 
> _If we fucked on the bathroom sink_
> 
> _How your hands felt in my hair_
> 
> _If we were high on amphetamines_

Zoya stumbled into the bathroom, catching herself on the edge of the sink before she could fall over. Her vision was too sharp, and the room seemed to move around her. Perhaps she shouldn’t have mixed drugs with alcohol.

The door was slammed shut and then locked, Nikolai making sure that the key was turned twice. Even high out of his mind, he still made sure that they were being discreet. After all, he had the most to lose here. 

Although they might have missed the boat on that one. Zoya turned, leaning her back against the sink, trying to keep her balance. She was feeling restless, not knowing what to do with herself, now that Nikolai had dragged her away from the dancefloor. “Everyone at this party knows,” she remarked. He had hardly kept his hands off her during the night, and even less so after they had gotten high. 

Nikolai stopped in front of her, resting his hands on either side of her body. “Everyone _knows_ anyway, Zo.” 

“Not your parents.” No, never them. 

Nikolai was grinning. Some strands of blonde hair had fallen into his face. “My parents aren’t at this party,” he noted, already leaning in closer. 

Zoya rolled her eyes as he kissed her, releasing a surprised gasp as Nikolai picked her up and sat her down on the edge of the sink. If she had been sober, maybe she would have minded. Maybe she would have said what she always said when Nikolai got ideas like these. _People will talk._

But everyone already talked, anyway. 

Zoya ran her hands over his chest, wrapping her legs around his torso as she began to open his belt. Nikolai was kissing along the lines of her neck, pressing her head back against the overhead cupboard behind her. He nipped at the spot right below her earlobe, fingers running through her hair. 

“We’re gonna be the topic of the night,” Zoya muttered as his hands shoved her dress up to her hips, a small laugh escaping her as Nikolai ruffled her hair in response. “Don’t test me,” she added, the words trailing off in a moan as he suddenly pushed inside her, catching her off guard. 

Zoya clung to his shoulders, nails digging into the skin of his back as she tipped her head back, feeling the cool stone of the sink against her hot skin. The world was exploding with color, and she could still hear the faint sound of music from the other room. 

For a moment, it was just them. No whispers, no gossip. No looks following them around. 

Zoya exhaled sharply as Nikolai rolled his hips against hers, still kissing the side of her neck, but returning to her lips. She tasted tequila, and cigarette smoke, and a hint of the bitterness which came from the amphetamines. 

Zoya was glad his kisses were silencing her, because not the entire party needed to hear what was going on, and she didn’t trust herself so be careful right now. Her nails dragged along Nikolai’s neckline as he thrust deeper, pushing her closer to the edge, her head still spiraling. 

Zoya saw the colors of the room flash before her eyes as she came, closing her eyes, shutting out the sensation. She really shouldn’t have had those tequila shots. She was breathing heavily, leaning against the cupboard, collecting herself. 

Quite honestly, she was buying time. She didn’t want to go back, back to where everyone would already be talking. They rarely got these moments of privacy, and she wanted to savor each one. “Are you sleeping over?” she asked into the silence, playing with a strand of Nikolai’s blonde curls. 

He sighed, brushing some hair away from her face and resting his forehead against hers. “My father is here for the weekend.” 

So no. Zoya didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want to think about anything. So instead of answering, she slipped away, jumping from the sink and pulling down her dress. “Let’s go dancing.” 

oOo

> _And everybody wants to hear_
> 
> _How we chain-smoked until three_
> 
> _And how you laughed when you said my name_
> 
> _And how you gripped my hips so mean_

Zoya leaned her back against the railing of her balcony, exhaling deeply as she watched the smoke of her cigarette dissolve in the air. The sky above her was pitch black, stars sparkling on the horizon. 

Nikolai was sitting across from her, a bottle of red wine next to him, typing on his laptop. 

“You really want to hand in this essay drunk?” Zoya remarked, leaning forward to reach for the bottle. It was a little after 2 am on a Monday night, and this had become their little routine. Sitting on her balcony, smoking and drinking, talking, laughing. Ignoring the rest of the world. 

He looked up for a second, a grin curling around his lips. “I’m not that drunk yet,” he remarked. “I can still type.” 

Zoya huffed, taking a sip of wine and shrugging. “One day these all-nighters aren’t gonna save you anymore,” she noted. “You can’t keep this up for the rest of your studies.” Nikolai’s father had decided that his son was going to be a CEO, although Zoya knew that he had absolutely no interest in economy. No, Nikolai’s heart was at sea. She knew what he would much rather do all day. 

“Perhaps I won’t finish my studies,” he replied now, never taking his eyes off the laptop screen. 

Zoya drew on her cigarette, the smoke reflecting in the moonlight. “Your parents would cut you off.” 

This time, Nikolai’s gaze darted up. “I don’t care about the money.” 

She smirked. “You don’t care to work either.” 

He flashed a playful grin, stopping his typing. “You really are ruthless, Nazyalensky.” He lifted the bottle back to his lips, taking a large sip. 

Zoya flicked some ash away with her nail, putting her cigarette out in the ashtray. She couldn’t count how many times they had talked through this scenario, but they both knew it would never be more than a fantasy. A fantasy spun during nights of too much wine, during which it was so easy to forget the reality of the world. 

“Where would you go?” she asked regardless. 

Nikolai sighed, leaning his head back against the wall. He looked up at the sky for a moment. “Somewhere sunny. Wouldn’t you like to lie on a beach all day, Nazyalensky?” He glared at her, eyes gleaming. 

She rolled her eyes, taking another sip of wine. “Some people need to make a living, you know. Not everyone has a ten million trust fund.” She didn’t actually know how much money the fund held, but she was making a wild guess here.

He laughed in response, the sound echoing through the night. “They need lawyers everywhere, Zo. You’d be fine.” 

Maybe. She lit another cigarette, the familiar bitterness clinging to her lips as she took a long drag. “You wouldn’t want to lie around all day. Imagine how bored you would get.” Nikolai even had trouble sitting still in class for 90 minutes. 

He chuckled lightly. “We could make it a road trip. Take a motorcycle and just drive.”

Zoya huffed, moving closer to him to get a look at how much of the essay he had written. “Nice dream,” she commented, skimming the first few lines. “You barely wrote the introduction.” 

Nikolai gave an apologetic shrug. “I was distracted by my company,” he muttered, one arm wrapping around her waist and pulling her against his chest. 

Zoya struggled against his grip but settled in his lap nonetheless. “You’re impossible,” she remarked, picking the laptop up herself. Seven hours until the deadline. She would have to write it herself, apparently. Without ever having attended an economics class. 

Nikolai brushed some hair away from her neck, lips skimming across her skin. 

Zoya felt lightheaded from the wine, barely able to type without trailing off. “Nikolai,” she muttered under her breath, drawing on her cigarette. “If you want this essay done, don’t distract me.”

His response was a playful bite into her shoulder, his teeth softly digging into the skin. 

Zoya narrowed her eyes at him, blowing some smoke into his face. “Back off, Lantsov,” she warned. 

He kissed her then, gripping her hips and pulling her against him. Zoya barely had time to drop her cigarette in the ashtray before she was on top of Nikolai, now lying in the middle of the small balcony. “I hate you,” she breathed, before joining their lips again. His tongue swept across her bottom lip, and he tasted of wine. 

Nikolai eventually let go of her, promising to finish his essay after all, while Zoya settled next to him with her head rested against his shoulder. She listened to the sound of Nikolai typing for a moment, closing her eyes. “If we ever do run away,” she muttered. “I want to be the one to drive that motorcycle.” 

She could feel him chuckle. “You don’t have a license.” 

“I’ll get one,” Zoya replied, already feeling her conscience slipping away. She fell asleep against Nikolai’s shoulder, with the story of their dream on her mind. 

oOo

> _Everybody's waiting up to hear if I dare speak your name_
> 
> _Put it deep beneath the track, like the hole you left in me_
> 
> _And everybody wants to know 'bout how it felt to hear you scream_
> 
> _They know you walk like you're a God, they can't believe I made you weak_

Zoya sat down across Genya in the library, frowning at the looks which had followed her, at the way people quickly looked away and hid their stares. She took a sip from her coffee. “I always thought the gossip would stop one day.” 

Genya gave her a sympathetic smile, closing her chemistry book and adjusting her glasses. Then she leaned across the table. “The fact that you’re sleeping with Nikolai Lantsov will never stop being interesting,” she whispered, a grin spreading across her lips. “After the party, I doubt you can deny it any longer.”  
  
Zoya snorted, fluffing some hair back over her shoulders. Perhaps she should change to a different university. “Nothing happened.” 

Her best friend raised a brow. “You went into the bathroom for half an hour just to talk?”

Zoya narrowed her eyes at her. “Careful, Safin. I know enough of _your_ secrets as well!” 

“None of mine are as juicy,” Genya smirked. “ _Every_ girl loves Nikolai, you know that.” 

Of course, she knew. And why wouldn’t they. He was handsome, charming, and rich beyond measure. At least until his parents found out who he was dating, and that he was not indeed courting the girl they had chosen for him. Zoya sipped on her coffee. “Don’t tell him that. His ego is big enough.” 

Genya huffed. “So is his trust fund. Probably the reason he’s so popular.” She raised a brow at Zoya. “You won’t be able to keep this romance a secret forever.” 

“Watch me,” Zoya replied, already absent-minded, since Nikolai had just stepped into the library. She quickly took her laptop out, opening it, staring at the screen instead of him. She opened her notes from the last lecture and tried not to react when he sat down next to her, flashing a grin at her and Genya. 

“Good morning.”  
  
“It’s midday,” Zoya pointed out. “And you’re late.” She could feel every pair of eyes in the library watching the two of them. Watching whether they would slip and make a wrong move. 

Nikolai ran a hand through his hair, looking unbothered. He always managed to look unbothered. “You’re early,” he replied. 

Zoya rolled her eyes, returning her gaze to her work. But she couldn’t concentrate. Not with Nikolai right next to her. She hadn’t seen him after the party, only talked to him on the phone briefly. She had missed him, much more than she would ever admit, and even more so after she had heard what everyone was talking about this morning. 

Nikolai was always popular, sure, but right now he was the number one topic. This morning when she had walked into class, Zoya had overheard two guys whispering about her. _She’s the girl who made Nikolai Lantsov weak,_ the first one had said. _I wonder how she did it._

“Are you prepared for tomorrow’s exam?” Genya suddenly asked, her voice dragging Zoya back to reality. 

Zoya took another sip of coffee. “Sure,” she replied, adding a half-shrug. She was always prepared. But the semester was ending, anyway, and they only had a couple of lectures and then exams left. She turned to Nikolai. “Have you caught up on all your work finally?”

He looked at her like she had just asked the most obvious question of the century. “Of course I have, Nazyalensky,” he remarked. “I’m always prepared.” 

Zoya furrowed her brows, clicking her nails against her laptop. “Since when?” Nikolai barely ever showed up to class, and usually ended up pulling an all-nighter before the exam. And yet he always got an A in the end. 

He smirked now, and she had a hard time keeping a straight face. She was too aware of people watching them. So she turned away, returning her attention to the laptop screen. 

Nikolai watched her for another moment, his hand faintly brushing over her leg under the table. A reminder that he was there. That regardless of everything, they were still going strong. 

oOo

> _That's the beauty of a secret_
> 
> _You know you're supposed to keep it_
> 
> _That's the beauty of a secret_

It was 10 pm the same day when Zoya returned to the library, just planning to do some last-minute preparation for her exam. She was checking her phone, noticing a missed call from Nikolai an hour ago. She quickly dialed his number, shoving the door to the library open. 

“What do you want?” she greeted as he picked up, not bothering with any other greeting. 

He laughed on the other end. “Where are you? I wanted to drive you home.” 

Zoya glanced at her watch. “At the library. I need another hour.” She entered the dimly lit room, completely deserted at this hour. She kicked the door shut behind herself, just the same moment as a pair of arms wrapped around her waist. 

“I knew you’d eventually show up.”

Zoya nearly jumped out of her skin. “Are you insane?” she snapped, struggling to get away from Nikolai’s grip as he pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I have things to do.” 

He kept her body pinned against his, shoving her over towards one of the tables. “Are you sure?” he purred into her ear, and Zoya could already feel her resistance crumbling. 

Just until suddenly steps echoed through the room, and Nikolai let go of her so quickly that she stumbled against the table. The door was opened and a few students came in, settling at a group of tables at the other end of the room. 

Zoya could see the frustration on her boyfriend’s face, the way he flexed his fingers, the tension in his jaw. She enjoyed every minute of it. “Great plan,” she commented with a grin, sitting down at the table and getting her books out. One of the bookshelves separated them from the other students, but it was hardly enough to hide everything that was going on. 

But Nikolai’s eyes were gleaming as he sat down next to her, and she already had a bad feeling about this. And then she looked at him, one look enough to tell her exactly what he was thinking. 

“Don’t you _dare,_ Lantsov-” she began, breaking off as she felt his hand already on her thigh, brushing past the fabric of her skirt. “I’m going to kill you,” she hissed under her breath, attempting to slip away, but his arm was around her waist and pinned her in place. Just subtle enough that no one from afar would notice. 

And then Nikolai slipped one finger inside her, and Zoya audibly gasped at the sudden sensation. S _he was going to strangle him for this._

“Stay quiet,” Nikolai muttered into her hair, a second finger sliding inside her, moving so slowly that it felt more like torture. 

Zoya dug her nails into his arm, hard enough to almost rip the fabric of his shirt and hopefully enough to properly hurt. He deserved it, for this. She had trouble pressing her lips together, avoiding to make a sound, and perhaps it was her imagination but she could swear that the other students were already watching them. “Someone is going to notice,” she gasped under her breath. This would be the worst possible way for Nikolai’s parents to find out about their relationship, truly. 

“Relax, Nazyalensky,” Nikolai whispered back, his cocky grin never wavering. 

Zoya shifted in her seat as his pace quickened, his thumb drawing circles against her clit. Her fingers gripped the edge of the table so hard it hurt, and a small whimper escaped her. 

Nikolai shot her a warning look, slowing down his movements. “Relax,” he instructed again, his other hand settling on her waist. 

Zoya tried hard to slow her breathing, already too aware of everyone _else_ in this library, the very last bit of her self-control tested as Nikolai returned his attention to her clit again, rubbing against the skin. Her breath was shaking and she bit her lip hard enough to draw blood, desperately trying to keep silent. _She was so close already._

“Focus on me,” Nikolai muttered against her ear, honestly sounding much too pleased with himself. “Don’t make a sound.” 

She fell apart around him then, her head spinning so heavily Zoya feared she might fall from her chair. Nikolai was steadying her subtly, keeping one hand on her waist as her breathing slowed down. “I’m going to get you back for this,” she hissed at him, slowly releasing her grip around the table. 

Nikolai smirked, leaning back in his chair with a smug expression. “I’d like to see that, Nazyalensky.” 

Zoya’s fingers were shaking as she opened her books, trying her best to ignore Nikolai’s presence entirely. She had not yet recovered from his hand between her legs. Next time he was studying, she was so going to blow him under the table. After all, it wasn’t _her_ family who would disown her. “Don’t you have places to be?” she remarked now, keeping her gaze pinned to the books. 

He huffed. “As I said, I’m driving you home.” 

She shot him a quick glance. “I’m perfectly able to get home by myself.” 

“Yes, you surely are very threatening,” Nikolai commented. 

Zoya was much too tempted to throw one of these books at him. “Shut up.” 

He grinned widely, crossing his hands behind his head. 

Zoya couldn’t prevent her lips curling up in a little smile. 

oOo

> _We wrote a story in the fog on the windows that night_
> 
> _But the ending is the same every damn time_

Zoya frowned as her phone screen lit up, noticing the text from her boyfriend. _Come downstairs._ She rolled her eyes. It was almost 12 am, and pitch black outside. Only Nikolai could come up with nonsense like this. 

_I’m not dressed,_ she typed back. She surely would not be walking downstairs in only her nightgown. 

Nikolai’s answer came immediately. _Even better._ She was going to strangle him. 

Purely because she was annoyed, Zoya got to her feet. She put on her biggest coat and hoped that it would conceal her state of dress, and then slipped into her boots. _You better make this worth my while,_ she sent Nikolai, pulling the front door shut behind herself. 

His car was parked in front of her apartment building, and she quickly slipped into the passenger seat. It was freezing outside, and at least the stupid car had heated seats. 

“What do you want?” she greeted.

Nikolai grinned, obviously amused. “Not in a good mood?”  
  
Zoya shot him a deadly glance. “It’s the middle of the night. What do you want?” 

His grin only grew wider. “I’ve come to a realization.”  
  
This could only mean disaster. Zoya sank back into her seat, taking a deep breath. Preparing for the worst. “Go ahead.” 

“I’m going to tell my parents the truth.” 

Immediately, Zoya sat straight. “ _Are you insane?_ ” He would lose everything. If Nikolai’s parents were one thing, it was unforgiving. They had planned their son’s future, from A to Z. Marriage, children, taking over the company. Keeping the Lantsov name clean from all scandal. 

But Nikolai’s gaze was serious. “I don’t care about the money.” 

She knew he didn’t. He would keep the trust fund, since it was legally his, but the rest would be cut off. “Don’t tell me you want to start working for a change,” Zoya replied, but it had none of her usual sharpness. The news had rattled her too much. 

He huffed. “I’m not as incapable as you think,” he pointed out. “Regardless, I’m thinking my talents lie more outside the academic sector.” 

Zoya frowned. “What?” 

This time, he reached for her hand. “Let’s leave. Let’s go somewhere, and start new.” 

Zoya blinked, suddenly wondering whether _she_ had gone insane. “I’m studying,” she managed to say. 

“Do a semester abroad. You’re top of your class, every university would be glad to accept you.” He smiled. He had really thought about this, apparently. “I was thinking Moscow since you already speak Russian. We could drive around the countryside for a while. I own a motorcycle, you know.” 

Zoya swallowed hard. “Your parents,” she said quietly. 

Nikolai’s jaw tensed, and his fingers circled over the skin of her wrist as if he was trying to distract himself. “I don’t care,” he replied. “We don’t tell anyone. We just go.” 

Zoya ran a hand through her hair, shifting in her seat. “Where is this coming from?” 

He hesitated, studying her expression. “I don’t want the secrets anymore. I don’t want lies. And I don’t care about anything my family offers me.” A smile curled around his lips. “I’d just rather have you.” 

For a second Zoya was too surprised to speak. He might as well just have told her he loved her. She didn’t know what to say. “We can’t just leave,” she said, simply because it was the first thing that came to mind. 

He didn’t seem to mind. “Why not?” He laced his fingers with hers. “I own a plane, we can fly out whenever we want.”

The offer was tempting. But Zoya didn’t have any family she left behind. He did. “It feels like running away,” she muttered. 

Nikolai sighed, suddenly pushing his seat backward. He shot her an expectant look and

Zoya huffed but climbed over all the same. She settled in his lab, peering outside into the dark for a moment. “Let’s hope no one is watching.” 

They were usually more careful than this. But Nikolai rolled his eyes, just noticing the nightgown she was wearing. He ran the silk through his fingers. “Why did you bother to wear a coat?”  
  
She batted his hands away. “Don’t change the topic.” 

“I’m not,” he smirked. “I was finished, actually. Just waiting for you to agree.” 

Zoya shook her head. “I’m not agreeing.”

His smirk never wavered. “Scared of a little adventure, Nazyalensky?” 

She was tempted to slap him. “Why did you suddenly decide this?” she asked instead, resting her hands against his chest. She could feel the warmth of his skin through the fabric of his shirt. 

Nikolai shrugged, almost casually. “It wasn’t sudden, actually. I just decided to ask you tonight.” 

She wanted to agree. She wanted to believe in this story. 

As if he had sensed her change of mind, Nikolai’s hands slipped under her coat, brushing across her back. Then he pulled the fabric from her shoulders, letting it drop. “Just say yes,” he whispered, leaning forward to bridge the gap between their bodies. 

Zoya felt herself pressed against the steering wheel, shifting in his lap, trying to make herself comfortable. Nikolai kissed along her collarbones, then across her shoulders. His hands were brushing the silk aside, skimming over her stomach, up to her ribcage. She felt herself trembling under his touch. 

Nikolai’s lips returned to her own, for a moment hovering just in front of her. “Come with me. We don’t owe anyone anything. Let’s just leave and start new somewhere else.” Without rumors, without gossip, without hiding. That was what he was offering her. 

Zoya leaned forward, pressing the lightest of kisses to his lips. “Fine.” 

Nikolai actually looked taken aback. “Did you just _agree?_ ” 

She couldn’t help but smirk. “You had me at motorcycle.” 

He kissed her again, deepening the kiss, tongue flicking into her mouth. Zoya’s hands ran down his body, stopping at the waistband of his jeans. “What if someone walks by?” she muttered against his lips, hesitating for the briefest of seconds. 

Nikolai’s answer was a kiss against her jaw, his lips nipping at the skin. “Who cares,” he breathed, kisses drawing across her throat. 

_Fair enough._ Zoya hurried to open his jeans, easing herself down into his lap so he could sink into her. She gasped at the contact, resting her back against the steering wheel as she rolled her hips, making him groan. 

Nikolai’s hands traveled to her hips, forcing her to move faster, spreading kisses along the side of her neck. Zoya buried her fingers in his hair, searching for something to hold onto, a moan escaping her as he pushed deeper inside her. Her eyes fluttered shut as she tipped her head back, the story Nikolai had promised her coming back to her mind. 

_They were going to run away._

Nikolai kissed the shell of her ear, apparently having read her mind. “We’re going to have this every day soon,” he breathed against her skin. 

Zoya couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her, the sound trailing of in a moan as Nikolai drew her closer, forcing her to adjust her rhythm. She was panting now, feeling the inside of the car heating up. The windows were already fogging up. 

Nikolai seemed to have noticed since he suddenly grinned, never stopping his pace, writing a very obvious _N+Z_ into the fog. 

“You’re terrible,” Zoya got out, barely catching her breath, and releasing a small whimper as Nikolai’s hands slipped between her legs, almost immediately making her break apart around him. 

She fell against him, resting her forehead against his shoulder as the orgasm passed, keeping her eyes shut. Inhaling the scent of his cologne. The world was moving slower for a while. 

For a moment neither of them moved. Nikolai pressed a kiss to her hair, brushing some strands away from her face. “Zo,” he said quietly, into the silence. 

She lifted her head to look at him, still breathing unevenly. “Any other crazy plans?” 

Nikolai smirked. “Not quite,” he replied. “I just love you.” 

Zoya stilled, for a second considering whether she had misheard him. _“_ What?” Her head was suddenly empty. 

He placed another kiss on her lips, sitting up straight to give her more room between himself and the steering wheel. “I love you,” he repeated. “I have for a while, actually. And I’m tired of hiding it.” 

Zoya could only stare, her body seeming to have given up on doing anything else. Her mind was completely blank. And yet, her heart knew the reply already. “You’re such an idiot,” she muttered, but she couldn’t hide her smile. “I love you too.” 

Nikolai kissed her again, his lips writing the promise of a new beginning onto hers. 


End file.
